the impulse

Husband: hey guess what honey?
Wife: what?
Husband: i had a dream last night that you went over to the hansons house and murdered them and you were covered in blood and you were freaking out haha........pretty crazy story huh honey?
Wife: ya sure i guess
Husband:: why sure i guess, did something happen last night that i don't know about?
Wife: kinda.........well first i was just checking out side for furball and i couldn't find him anywhere, then i heard a noise next store.
Wife: well i thought a burgurler was in the hansons house so i got a shovel and went inside the there house and when i was about to hit the guy in the head with the shovel i heard him say hey wait its me jim han....and then i killed him........on accident ofcourse, even though he did park in drive way again.
Husband: wait......did you acutally kill jim hanson.                                                               
Wife:  kinda, then his wife came in but i thought she was the burgurlers accomplise or something but before i was about to kill her she said hey sarah  your coocking always tasted like shi........then i accidently killed her(wink)
Husband: i can't believe my wife is killer
Wife: wait wait wait....im an accidentl killer....theres a HUGE difference sweety.
Husband: your nuts....where'd did you put the bodys?
Wife: ummmm no where particular....just don't go in the sandbox in the back yard, its a little muddy and slippery if ya know what i mean(wink).
Husband: honey i have to call the police....you killed the neighbors!!!!
Wife: i totally and completely understand....but first can you help me get something in the back of the house for a sec.
Husband: OK

Bad Poetry

i love you like this line is from jupitor like mission possible isnt that possible anymore, when you come into my dreams my mind goes blank because the shadows feels like a tank. people tell us that life will never be the same, but lets prove them right and take a break like the british did. when you take a nap like a puppy sleeps, i want to come over to you and scare you deep. people asking me why are we together and i just tell them screw you dudes i love being a playa.

Direct Orders

Rock out like chris farley. like blink 182, like your getting your fortune told, like you just held in your urine for like an hour and you finally let ity out with a nice AAHHHHHHHH. like your moms hair appointment. like micheal jacksons greatest hits. like a plug in the wall that you never use but you say you will in the future. like a murderer is chasing you through a campsite barefoot. like dwight shrute. like your face just broke out.

Shake the Dust

This is for people who hate ugly people, this is for people who love twighlight, shake the dust, this for the new jimmy eat world album, this is for day man, this is for night man, this is for jennifer annistons bad movies, this is for your mom, this is for soccer moms, shake the dust, this is for the people who piss you off right when they come over to talk to you, ,this is for mugato for almost killing the prime minister of malessia AHHHHH!!!!

im thinking about you,,,.

im thinking about you like blink 182 thinks about dirty jokes, like micheal scott thinks about thats what she said, like freddy kruger thinks about killing teenagers, like obama thinks about screwing up america, like britney spears thinks about shaving her head, like peanut butter thinks about jelly, like bill gates thinks about money, like justin timberlake thinks about bringing sexy back!

Love is...

love is Anchorman, love is red candle, love is fearce, love is god, love is family love is weird, love is 90's, love is dirty, love is oprah winfrey,, i love lamp, love is !#@$, love is dreaming, love is blank, love issexy, love is change, love pisses me off!!!!